RemyJones: 4 Months

(Month 1) ( Month 2) (Month 3)
Sleeps: 3 hours after his witching hour and bedtime routine, 2 hour stretches after that Eats: 3-4 oz of formula every feeding. He's still on the easy-to-digest formula and Miralax every few days Wearing: 6 and 6-9 month onesies, size 3 diapers, and still no socks. ever.  Nicknames: Remy Jones, Remy, Chunk, Brother Bear, Baby Bear, Bubs Celebrated: Father's Day  Likes: standing (supported of course), sitting up, naps on his belly, eating, and his o-balls Dislikes: bedtime... still. Photo Dump

RemyJones: 3 Months

I guess now that he is 4 months old I should write his 3 month update, right? 

Sleeps: 3 hours after his witching hour and bedtime routine, 2 hour stretches after thatEats: 3-4 oz of formula every feeding. We switched him from Similac Advanced to the light purple easy to digest formula, He was having problems pooping, and the switch along with Miralax is helping a ton! Wearing: 6 and 6-9 month onesies, size 3 diapers, and still no socks. ever. Nicknames: Remy Jones, Remy, Chunk, Brother Bear, Baby Bear, BubsCelebrated: Mother's Day and Mommy going back to work! Likes: His piano kick mat, eye contact, and being completely naked Dislikes: bedtime and being hungry

 Photo Dump 

Two

Two new sets of fingers and toes… two new eyes and one little nose. These are all things we were so excited for until they were no more. 

24 hours can be a lifetime and no time at all. It can contain all of the faces on the pain scales you see in the hospital and leave you completely numb. Last Wednesday we found out we were pregnant again. Hello shock of our lives. 

After Remington was born we decided not to get on any kind of birth control because of the issues we had getting pregnant the first time.  We agreed to use Natural Family Planning as our weapon of choice. I didn’t take into account that a 28 day cycle is not always going to be a 28 day cycle after having a baby. Whoops. Fast forward to June 28. I was at Target, just feeling weird. Much like when we found out we were pregnant with Remington, I bought tests, and they were burning a hole in my bag so I took one when I got back to work. Imagine my shock when that little pink line showed up ever so faintly. I texted Jackson and told him to call me immediately.  He did and I barricaded myself in a conference room where I sobbed and told him we were pregnant again.  All he could say was “hm.”. We were both in complete shock.  I’ll humbly admit that joy was not on my list of feelings. Instead I was flooded with anxiety and fear. I felt like an unmarried pregnant teenager that was going to get all of the judgment and stares. I just knew I would be getting the looks as people did the math in their head to figure out how old my baby is and how pregnant I am. I was embarrassed and felt like I let my family down by being a couple of days off on my chart.  Regardless, we were pregnant. End of story.  As the night went on, we cried, we laughed, and Jackson said something that just made it all okay.

Just because it wasn’t our plan doesn’t mean it wasn’t planned.

It hit me right between the eyes. I was so busy thinking about how much of a problem this was going to be that I couldn’t see how blessed we were. We got pregnant with no fertility anything like last time. 

Thursday morning, I woke up and took another test. I couldn’t wait to see line that was darker than Wednesdays indicating to me that there was, in fact, a healthy baby growing. There was no line. Not even one that you could squint to see.  I bought digital tests at lunch and took one only to see “Not Pregnant” show up. It didn’t make sense. I kept looking at the picture of the positive test reminding myself that I was, in fact, pregnant just yesterday.  (TMI Alert)  Friday brought blood. Lots of blood. I called my OB and she said it sounded like an early miscarriage, that it happens more often than anyone realizes.  She said that had I not been so “on the ball” and tested when I felt funny that I never would have known. She offered to check hormone levels and all, but said it wasn’t necessary and that my body would just take care of it.  She told me to stay hydrated and rested and to have a good weekend.

That was that. In 24 hours, I was pregnant and then not.  We were devastated. The baby that we worked so hard to wrap our heads around was gone. We went from terrified to elated to devastated in less than a whole week and were both just emotionally exhausted. 

I have gone through being guilty for ever thinking that I didn’t want to be pregnant again or wasn’t ready to be pregnant again. I have been down trying to find a reason why… why I felt the need to test and make myself aware… why I felt the way I did… and why we didn’t get to bring this one home like we did almost four months ago.  

As I sit here trying to catch up on Remington’s 3 month update, I can’t help but just be thankful. We are thankful for a God who weeps when His children weep. We are thankful for our healthy baby boy, and we are thankful for each other.