Faith Changer

I was in a very bad place with my faith after Dad died. I spent a lot of time angry with God, with His timing, and with His plan.  I didn't understand how His plan could include me losing my dad, but it did, and I had a heard time being okay with that. 
Until Baby. 
We tried to get pregnant for a year, and God was working behind the scenes the whole time to bring His plan to fruition... in His time.  I still wasn't ready to trust. I was beyond thankful for His provisions, but still working  through my anger. 
I was raised to hope for the best, plan for the worst, and pretty much stress until the worst doesn't happen. If it does, then I have at least prepared myself for whatever that is. For example, at our first appointment, I knew I'd lay there and not hear a heartbeat. I was prepared for that, and would deal with it when it got here. But it didn't. Baby had a heartbeat of 185 beats per minute! Not only did it have a heartbeat, but it was a strong, healthy heartbeat. Still, my trust wavered.  
We bought our home heartbeat monitor just to have for fun. We couldn't find the heartbeat, and although I read it was more than normal at 9 or 10 weeks, I was devastated. Until we found it on Jackson's birthday (press play below). It was at that point that I realized His timing was good, and His promise and love was unfailing.  I sobbed. My baby was fine, I was fine, everything was fine. 

Sunday morning, I woke up at about 3 AM to go to the bathroom, and I was bleeding. I panicked, but for some reason, I had a peace. I knew everything with our child was going to be okay, and I trusted that God would bring us through no matter what.  We went for our appointment Monday afternoon and saw baby wiggling and waving and kicking away. There was no explanation other than "sometimes, it happens." I've never been more thankful to hear that answer. 

This has been a faith changer for me. I have never ever been good at releasing control of anything, but not having control of any of this forces me to release control. It's new for me, but it's a welcomed change.