When Your Spouse Falls Short

When we said our vows, they were sentimental and sweet. We vowed to love each other unconditionally for the rest of our lives.  By saying "I Do", we were saying, in front of our family and friends, that we expect the other to deliver on what we vowed.  I expect him love and cherish me, to honor and protect me, to lead me to the cross, and to encourage me daily because those are things Jackson vowed to me.  Likewise, he expects the same of me because that is what I vowed to him.    It goes without saying that there are expectations you have of your spouse, even though you did not write them in pretty letters and read them in front of everyone.  Obviously, I expect him to be faithful, to someday be a great father to our children, etc.  Those were implied.  What wasn't necessarily implied, and certainly wasn't presented, is our chore expectations of each other.   We've been having growing pains that just haven't finished working themselves out quite yet.  And I'm still okay with occasionally falling behind.  I, being the Type-A personality, am not always okay with falling behind, though.    Expectation: Jackson will do exactly half of the chores, and I will do half. Reality: Life gets in the way.    Jackson has picked up 10 hour days at work, has been working on duck decoys for this season, has been studying for his CDL, and has been trying to make sure that my little quality time loving heart is well tended to.  The man is lucky to get a full night's rest. Chores are not always split 50/50, but should never be split 100/0. I was okay with doing it all until I found myself burned out from working, running errands, and cleaning 24/7.    Expectation: Jackson will see that I'm tired from working and doing all of the chores and cooking and working. Reality: My husband is not a mind reader   As silly as it sounds, this is something I am learning over and over again, pretty much once a week.  True, we could both be a little more observant of the other's feelings by trying to read the other; however, it still leaves room for spousal error.  Jackson is going to read me the wrong way, just like I'm going to misread him.  It would make life 100% easier if we were able to simply come out and say "I need your help" or "You're not helping me enough" or "I'm tired, can you do the laundry tonight?" I'm 85% passive, and will slam the dishwasher closed, or finish what I'm doing and storm off to the bedroom.  Goal: Use my words.   Expectation: Jackson is going to make a full 180 degree transformation overnight Reality: We will forget and life will get in the way again and we will be back here in a month or so, maybe one step closer to the goal than we are right now!     And that is okay.  We are married for the rest of our lives, and we are going to continue to grow and hit these speed bumps and grow some more.  That's life. When we stop learning, we are in trouble.   

 What unsaid expectations have reared their ugly heads into your marriage? How did you handle them?    Linking up with WYWW

September Goals

I hope you all had a wonderful Labor Day Weekend! I hope there was some family time, dove hunting, and rest! Mine was complete with a girls' brunch at Goodness Gracious.  Anyone close to Nashville needs to try it. It's in Readyville, but 100% worth the drive!! 

  It's time to make goals for September; looking back on August, it feels like it was a week long! Did anyone else's August fly?!   Let's see how I did with our August Goals: 1. Read our Bible and pray together every day.
2. Start working out 3-4 days a week
3. Go through boxes we moved into the apartment and haven't looked at since
4. Handwrite our vows in our wedding book
5. Handwrite our vows and frame them next to our mirror in the bedroom.
6. Buy and start reading "If I Stay"
7. Pay off emergency credit card from car repairs so we can save for truck tires.
8. Spend more time with my nana.
9. Take Boomer to a dog park
10. Decide if we want to add a puppy nugget to our family.   3/10. That's a 30%, and an F in most school systems. We went through two boxes filled with Waffle House coffee mugs, flags from countries friends have visited, and hats with too much dust on them.  We threw out clothes we will never wear again. We did pay off all of the car repairs, but we used the card for a couple of important things that came up, so we aren't paid off 100%.  We have started saving for truck tires, though.  We decided that it would be wonderful to add a puppy to our family, but right now it's just not a good idea. Puppies need attention and time, which we don't necessarily have.   Better luck, September.  Here are September's goals: 1. Read our Bible and pray together every day 2. Start working out 3-4 days a week 3. Handwrite our vows in our wedding book 4. handwrite our vows to frame them next to our mirror in the bedroom 5. Spend more time with my nana. 6. Clear all boxes from the top of our closet and unnecessary bags from the linen closet.  7. Start decorating for Fall come the 22nd. 8. Drink less soda 9. Go camping once 10. schedule (bonus if I complete them!) bridal portraits. 11. Give away shoes I don't wear and pack up summer shoes

Goals for August

I realize that I have a master list of goals (25 before 25). In school, I took a leadership class and I learned about making SMART goals. 
You can't achieve your big goals unless you make small goals along the way that make the larger goal attainable.  Plus, there are some little baby short term goals I have for August. So here goes:

1. Read our Bible and pray together every day.
2. Start working out 3-4 days a week
3. Go through boxes we moved into the apartment and haven't looked at since
4. Handwrite our vows in our wedding book
5. Handwrite our vows and frame them next to our mirror in the bedroom.
6. Buy and start reading "If I Stay"
7. Pay off emergency credit card from car repairs so we can save for truck tires.
8. Spend more time with my nana.
9. Take Boomer to a dog park
10.  Decide if we want to add a puppy nugget to our family.

  

  I can't wait to work through these and to look back at the end of August and see how many we did!  Some are on the way to achieving some of the long term goals, some are just for fun! I think that's the best way to do it, honestly. That way you're striving for more than a strict set of long term goals.