Mother's Day

Mother's Day is always an interesting day for me.

 

 

I love my mother, don't get me wrong, but sometimes (often) it is hard to like her. 

  

 

My mother has struggled with alcoholism since before I was born. She didn't drink when she was pregnant with me, but she did while she was pregnant with my sister. She is very hard headed and stubborn and really has never wanted help. When I was in eighth grade, she came to retrieve me from soccer practice and we were almost in a head on collision on the way home. She was charged with a DUI and was admitted to rehab the very next day. I remember crying my eyes out the day Dad told us she would be coming home because I knew she wouldn't change. I was right. She didn't change. She has never changed, except the brand of alcohol she consumes. When she's sober, she is a wonderful mother. She and I could really be friends if she would stay sober. But she doesn't want to.

 

 

Mother's Day is a day for me to put on a fake smile while I watch her unwrap a bracelet and cry tears because she knows she doesn't deserve it. On quite a few Mother's Days, I was questioned with a "that's it?" when she opened her gifts, or a "Go spend it with Ginger!" as I left for church. Often, the day before Mother's Day is a drunken-mother-to-angry-daughter fight about my Dad's mom, my Nana, and what a wonderful Grandmother she is as opposed to my Mom's mom who has never told me she loved me. It's not that she doesn't... she just can't say it.

 

(Nana, Dad and I on my wedding day)

This brings me to Ginger. What a blessing my Mother-In-Law is.

 

 



She has loved me since I was 16, and has prayed over my relationship with her son from the beginning. Sure, she's not my mother, but she cares for me as if I were her own. She is always an ear to listen, a scold when we have made stupid mistakes, and love when I feel discouraged. She will be a loving grandmother to my children, and I am so thankful for her.

 

For me, Mother's Day is mostly about celebrating women in my life who have set an example. Last year, and from here on out, I realize that includes my mom, too. Mind you, she wasn't a positive example, but an example nonetheless. She is an example of all of the things I don't want to be, and a kick in the pants to become the good things I want to be so I don't end up like her. 

 

I am so blessed to look back and have friends' mothers, women in church, etc. step in and provide the love, encouragement, guidance, and discipline I needed. I don't know who I'd be if they didn't invest in me. Mother's Day is about women like that.

 

It's a strange thought to me that someday I will be a mother and to think about my daughter blogging about me. I wonder what she'll say. My goal is to have her say, "My mom is my best friend. She guides me and prays for me, and she's always a listening ear. I hope to be just like her one day."