Pet Peeves

Marriage has taught me that I am a very hard person to get along with. I get annoyed at the smallest things, and sometimes the not so small things. I've always had a huge list of pet peeves, but marriage has made some sink deeper than others. Age is to blame for the others. I'm older than 22 inside... inside, my name is Ethel and I'm 85.
 
I'm still married, though, so yay for coping!
 I haven't maimed any of my coworkers, so yay for being tolerant!  
1. Loud chewers and ice crunchers.  I will stare at you until you notice I'm annoyed and stop doing it.
   
   
2. People who start stories and get distracted and stop mid sentence but keep you there by repeating themselves or saying "um".
   
3. The noise that comes when people pick at their nails. Just stop.
   
4. That feeling of not being able to get comfortable because your legs aren't in the right spot, you're laying funny, etc. It feels like when you can't get a full breath of air.
   
   
5. The "are you decent?" phonecall because we have unexpected company. I'm not wearing a bra, can you wait five seconds?!
   
6. Husband elbows in the neck when I sleep.
   
7. Deciding on a "one lunch out a week" rule and being asked on Friday if your husband can go to lunch because he doesn't have time to pack a lunch. Grab the freezer meal and go, you'll be fine.
   
8. Falling in the toilet because someone doesn't remember to put the seat down. Seriously, is it that hard? One more time and I'm ordering this.
   
9. Socks right in front of the hamper. It's right there.
   
10. Bringing up a joke that wansn't funny ever but you can't let go. Yes, I ignored that you mentioned it and kept walking.
    
11. People who talk on their cell phones in the bathroom. I'm going to flush and this will be really awkward.
    
12. People who don't use a turn signal. I will hit you and it will be your fault.
    
13. Students who ask questions to purposely get teachers off topic. We have heard the story about how he cut himself with a chainsaw like 8,000 times, can we get back to physics, please?!
    
14. Strange kids' names. I like boys names for girls, and even sometimes unisex names for either kid. Heck, I even enjoy a good first-name-last-name switch, but don't slap the keyboard, call that your child's name, and get upset when I mispronounce your child's name. #imjustsaying
    
15. Couple names. Ours is Crackson. or Jissy. Just don't.